How to build your self – confidence

A brief tutorial on how to start feeling better about yourself.

Content list:

Why is Self-Confidence important?

3 things you need to STOP doing

3 things you need to START doing

What’s next?

Imagine this scenario: You’re at work, and today you’re about to pitch your idea in front of the entire team.

Scary, isn’t it?

Well, it shouldn’t be, and here’s why:

Their reaction to your idea is not a reflection of its merit. It’s not even a reflection of your presentation skills. It’s a reflection of whether their vision is similar to yours. Which is something that is outside of your control. Perhaps, you’re aware of this, but you’re nervous anyway.

If the above story sounds anything like you, it means that your self-confidence needs a little boost.

What is Self-Confidence?

The name is pretty self-explanatory, but the actual concept has many definitions.

Some say it’s about believing in yourself. Others say that it’s the “fake it until you make it” attitude. Let me add one more definition to the mix:

Self-Confidence is about managing your emotions and your response to them.

Managing your emotions? How?

Step 1: STOP doing these things

Thinking negative thoughts

Do you find yourself randomly thinking things like “Nobody loves me” or “I’m not good enough?”

These negative thoughts are what keeps your self-confidence from growing. The bad news is, that you can’t fully get rid of them. The good news is that you don’t have to.

The trick is to stop indulging them. Don’t fall into a spiral of self-pity. Don’t imagine yourself in all sorts of painful situations. Think of something else! As soon as you realize that you are thinking negative thoughts – think of something else! Anything! Like the weather, the latest episode of your favorite show, or a list of 10 cities starting with a letter “N” (not so easy, by the way).

When you get your negative thoughts in check, you’ll be able to work on your self-confidence. 

Spending time with negative people

What makes a person negative? Having a problem that they want to talk to you about? Not necessarily. It’s ok to give someone a shoulder to cry on, but there are limits. If a friend keeps complaining about the same thing for months and you don’t see them taking any action to fix the problem – that’s negativity. And it drains your energy and affects your outlook on life. 

You don’t necessarily have to cut these people off – they’re your friends and they have their flaws. But do set boundaries. Don’t meet with them as often. And as soon as they start complaining – change the subject. They will get the hint. 

You’ll be doing them a favor. Because if their complaining can no longer attract your attention – then it will no longer serve its purpose. Perhaps they’ll even resort to dealing with the actual problem – rather than using it as a tool for seeking attention. 

Comparing yourself to others

“She is so successful, even though she is younger than me”

Or

“Why can’t I find a relationship like theirs?”

Comparing can feel natural – because we all want to know whether we are doing well in life.

But is it the right metric? Should we compare our love life with someone our age? Love is complicated and everyone has different needs and preferences. 

What about a career? If our peers are making more money than we do, does it mean that they’re better than us? Or does it mean that they found a career that suits their individual strengths?

Everyone is different. Every life is different.

And most of the time we don’t see the whole picture. Because if we did, we would see that no life is perfect – even if it looks like it is on the outside.

Step 2: START doing these things

Take care of your body

There’s an old saying: Healthy body, healthy mind. In 2002 scientists from the University of Edinburgh were able to confirm that in fact, how we treat our body affects how we think and feel.

Diet, exercise, plenty of sleep. These are no longer things that you can do just to look good.

It’s how you can take care of your mental wellbeing. 

And with a healthy mind, you’ll be getting more confident every day!

Surround yourself with positive people

Just like putting the right kind of food into your body affects your health, spending time with the right kind of people affects how you feel about yourself. 

How can you tell if a person is positive?

Think about how they make you feel. If you feel comfortable around them then it’s a good sign. If your thoughts and ideas are being listened to, then it’s even better.

The good news is, that you probably already know people like that! A co-worker, a distant family member, a friend from school? People that you genuinely enjoy, but don’t spend enough time with.

Reach out to them! It might feel awkward at first, but it could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship for you both.

Pay attention to your emotions

You know when you’re angry. You know when you’re happy. 

But are you really aware of it? 

Being aware of your emotions means knowing what is causing them. And being able to decide how we should react.

It’s important because sometimes we can feel sad, but without a good reason. And sometimes we are not aware that the reason for our sadness is something that has happened to us in the past. 

How to become more aware of your emotions?

A good start could be learning to meditate. It teaches you how to be aware of your thoughts. Once you learn how to do that, you will have the tools to learn how to notice your emotions.

Step 3: Rinse, repeat

Building your self-confidence is a process. And just like with building a house – your work is not finished even when the construction is completed. 

Your self-confidence is just like a building – it needs to be taken care of and properly maintained. 

Otherwise, it will start falling apart.

Take a few minutes of your time every day to apply one of these tips. And then continue to do that, even when you feel that your self-confidence is strong.

What do you think about our advice? Is there something you would like to add? Let us know in the comments below.