Self-forgiveness

What is it and how to get it?

Content list:

Self-forgiveness.

What is it?

How can it be dangerous?

How to get it?

Self-forgiveness.

So you made a mistake. You screwed up. You made someone’s life harder.

What now? Are you going to beat yourself up about it? Keep waking up in the middle of the night, with your chest heavy with guilt?

Or will you try to forgive yourself? 

Forgiving yourself is one of those things that may sound simple, but by all means, are not easy.

I’m sure you’ve heard before that “we all make mistakes.” And I’m sure that you are tired of hearing it over and over.

But when you think about it, the more people say it, the more true it becomes. 

This means that you might already know someone that used to feel just the way you are feeling right now. And yet, you don’t see them sulking over it. Not anymore.

How did they do it?

It is entirely possible that whatever was bothering them, they got over it in time. But depending on the person, this may take weeks, months, or even years. And even after that, the process isn’t complete.

That’s why it is important to practice self-forgiveness. 

What is it?

One of the simplest definitions describes it as “The ability to forgive ourselves for mistakes, large and small”

What is great about this definition is that it doesn’t say whether self-forgiveness should be exercised before or after someone forgives us. 

The truth is that it doesn’t matter.

Self-forgiveness is about the relationship we have with ourselves. Which should be the most important relationship of our lives. After all, we are the person that knows us best.

And while making amends with someone we hurt should be our top priority, sometimes the best we can do is to apologise and give that person enough time to process their feelings.

But be careful! Self-forgiveness can be dangerous and lead to arrogance.

Here’s an example.

Imagine a person that spreads vicious rumors about you at work. You found out and confronted them about it. They apologised. A few weeks later, you realise that there’s another rumor going around. And that it came from the same person.

What happened?

Your coworker exercised self-forgiveness, but without feeling any remorse.

“That’s just the way I am”, they said. 

That’s why guilt can be a good thing. In healthy doses, it lets you know that you made a mistake. It gives you space to learn and grow.

The key to self-forgiveness is to find the right balance. To allow yourself to feel guilty enough to understand what you did wrong, but not be totally consumed by it.

How to do it?

The best way is to ask a close friend for their opinion. If it’s a true friend, you will hear either: “Yeah, you messed up on that one” or “I wouldn’t worry about it.” 

Depending on their answer, you can decide if it’s the right time to let go of your guilt.

Try it out and see for yourself. The benefits may surprise you.

What are your thoughts on self-forgiveness?

Is this something that you need to be doing more?

Let us know in the comments below.